Last Monday:
8:03am
Bob's Big Brother's Teacher: We have a problem.
Me: It's only eight o'clock in the morning. He just got to school. How could he already be in trouble? How is this even possible?
Bob's Big Brother's Teacher (sighing): I know. I know.
Me: Is it bad?
Bob's Big Brother's Teacher: Yes. It's bad. But hey, it could have been a heck of a lot worse. Especially for eight o'clock in the morning.
9:12 am
Hubby: So, an employee called out sick. The bad news is he's in jail for attempted murder and robbery. The good news is he'll be back once he makes bail tomorrow. We've been awfully short-staffed, so, you know. That's actually really good news.
11:23 am
Doggy Daycare: We're calling because you're listed as the emergency contact. We can't reach your mother.
Me: What's wrong? Is Brady okay?
Doggy Daycare: No, no. He's fine. He just needs to be picked up.
Me: But why? If he's fine?
Doggy Daycare: He is, he is. It's just, there was a little incident and we think it's best he come home.
Me: What little incident?
Doggy Daycare (sighing): Well, apparently he decided to get forward with another dog and she bit him on his ear.
Me: So, you're calling me because he got it on with another dog? But, what? His performance wasn't up to snuff and he displeased her?
Doggy Daycare: In a manner of speaking.
Me: *snort* Good for her.
Doggy Daycare: Someone needs to pick him up. He needs to go home to rest.
Me: Rest? Rest? Are you serious? What am I supposed to do? Come get him so he can go home for a cigarette and a nap? Oh, please. He's a dog, for gawdssake. Now we should allow him to act like a man and let him snooze?
11:26 Took the phone off the hook.
Books I'm Reading
When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris.
Buying clothes from Goodwill=not a good idea.
What I'm Writing
I'm too busy watching Bridget Jones and replaying the scenes with Colin Firth in them, over and over. And over.
Writing will have to wait.
Quote of the Day
Today:
My mom: Look, I'm just calling to let you I dropped the dog off at daycare again.
Me: Okay.
My mom: Well, I just wanted you to know, in case they call again.
Me: Please tell me they are not going to call again.
My mom: No, I think it should be fine. He seemed calm when I dropped him off, not at all horny.
Me: Did you just say horny to me on the phone? OMG. Tell me you did not just say that. (Takes phone off the hook again.)
Days Until I Must Face My Scary Neighbor's PJ's At The Bus Stop
Me: I'm not doing it anymore. Not one day more. No more unicorns. No more fluffy bunnies. No more Spongebob pajamas. I can't. I won't. I refuse. You have exactly fifty-six days to move my ass somewhere, anywhere else.
Hubby: Wrong. I offered to buy you a new home and you said you'd set your hair on fire first. So the way I see it, you're stuck.
Link Love
Exciting news! MJ is back and blogging. Even better? She's discussing sweaty monkey balls. Best you go see for yourself here. Stephen has finally started his own blog here. Be careful though. He hits on people. ;) Do you know he claims there are NO Twinkies where he is in Australia? I mean, he's not serious, right?
He can't be. How wrong would that be?
And speaking of dogs getting all human, head on over to Barnes and Noble's book discussion this month on The Art of Racing in the Rain with my hero, Garth Stein. So far, everyone is asking important, serious questions. Come on, people. This is the Interwebs. We can do better than this.
Chocolate Consumed Today
Of course.
A New Year, A New Shot at the Literary Gold
Hear that?
Yep.
Crickets.
:(
Angioma Alliance
New Beginning 659
5 hours ago
Posts
11 comments:
If your hubby is anything like me, there are days when I wouldn't even care if they were convicted. As long as they had a pulse, it was good enough for me.
I am officially offering to be your answering service, Twizzle. Each and every one of those calls would have made my day!
Bob's Big Brother's teacher probably won't be too impressed when I answer as you and yell out, "Yes! That's my boy! His father will be proud, let me tell you!" but that's okay.
8:00 am. He's very advanced.
Stephen has written in his blog! It was a blank page last night.
I think I'll go ask Garth where babies come from over at B&N.
You are so funny! I love that your mom used the word horny in reference to the dog! :) Thanks for adding me back to your blog. I'm planning to stick around this time.
Daisy-yeah. that's pretty much how he sees it. they're breathing? awesome. wheel'em in. being management sucks.
mags-I'll do you one better. I'm gonna start forwarding the emails to you. I got this one this afternoon:
On my way out. Going to do some errands and then pick up the sex maniac. Love, Mom
Hoping she meant the dog. aack.
MJ-I'm so glad. We missed you!!! Which reminds me, I owe you twice the Harry now, don't I? Okay, next post I swear.
okay. hubby reminded me--I totally forgot the best part. when BBB's teacher called, I asked what he'd done. He was supposed to be taking finals, after all.
BBB's teacher: He was in what we call the private area, for his testing. It's a secluded desk.
Me: Ah-huh.
BBB's teacher: So the teacher left the room for a minute and when she came in, she caught BBB with his hands on his bag.
Me: His bag?
BBB's teacher: His book bag.
Me: So...what you're saying is you caught BBB with his hands on his bag in his private area?
I SO wish I made this crap up. I do.
Laugh out loud funny!
Anyone told you you have beautiful eyes?
Stop it, Stephen! It's my turn to hit on Twizzle, now.
Hey, Twizzle, anyone told you you have beautiful eyes?
Okay, please please! forward me your mother's emails! You can have mine. My mother writes about her Cocktail club (no, devoted to the movie, not to a beverage of any interest) and my father's cyber-stalking legal woes. Seriously! Please? Tradsies?
Your mother never emails me about your debaucherous dog. Not one time, not ever. Sigh.
I am kind of going through Harry withdrawal... :) But I have been skulking through your archives.
Kelley,
Whooo hoooo! That was fun to read. Your blog's going in my bookmarks. I've only had a chance to read this post and about your husband's aversion to inside out Oreos, but you got me laughing too hard to let you go.
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