Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Huh?

Bob stepped off the bus yesterday, arms laden with an enormous topographical diorama. (No. I have no idea if that's what it's really called. It sounds good, though, and for the most part seems accurate.)

It was splendid. Awash with glitter and clay, streaked with vibrant shades of purple and red and green, all depicting volcanoes and mountains and deltas and on and on, it was breathtaking to beyond.

"Wow," I said, while secretly worrying where exactly one stores a ginormous topographical diorama long-term. "That's amazing."

Bob nodded. "Mmm-hmmm."

"I mean, it's really something."

He sighed and set it down on the kitchen island. "Yeah, I guess so."

(And please, for the record, let me just say it encompassed the entire kitchen island, plus a solid two-inch overhang.)

When Hubby got home later that night, he walked into the kitchen and froze.

"Wow," he finally said.

"You're being redundant," I said. "I've already covered that."

"It's...huge," he offered. "And...sparkly."

That it was. Very huge and very sparkly. But we're Bob's parents and it's our job to support his educational endeavors, so we gushed, extolled his creative abilities, and praised him to the heavens at dinner.

"I'm impressed," Hubby said. "That's quite the project you brought home."

"Yeah, it is," Bob said. "It was really heavy too."

"It must have been a lot of work."

"I guess," Bob said.

"How long does something like that take to create?" I asked. And I was really curious, because given the size of that sucker and the amount of glitter now littering my kitchen floor, I was thinking it had to have taken months, and at least a vat of glitter.

"No idea," Bob said.

Hubby and I stared at him. No idea? What was he talking about?

"How can you have no idea?" Hubby asked.

Bob shrugged. "It's not mine. Some girl on the bus asked me if I wanted it, so I said yeah, why not, and took it home."

Thursday, October 22, 2009

So, yeah, I saw the light. Go figure.

So I've been gone for a while. And trust me when I say it wasn't pretty. It seems I have this whole allergy-asthma-being-a-really-poor-patient thing I wasn't able to control so well, so I got sick.

Like really sick.

Again.

Anyway, apparently one of my main allergens is pine trees. And kookily enough, we just happen to live in the shadows of a scary pine forest. As in hundreds of huge nasty ugly pine trees that fall on my house during ice storms (or when someone coughs or plays the t.v. too loud)and make me sniffle and cry and leave nasty messages on my mom's answering machine about how much I hate this house and go on antibiotics for months at a time kind of pine trees.

It's been two years since I've seen daylight, I swear.

I mean, when bats bump into your house because it's too dark for even them...well, you have a problem.

But then, I should probably say I HAD a problem--because a miracle has happened. Brandon The Logger came on Monday, and with only his brawn and trusty chain saw, he freed me from the foresty hell I've resided in. And now, three days and two hundred and twelve trees later, I am one with the sunlight.

Brandon kicks ass. What more can I say?

Quote of the day:

Me (on phone): Mom! Brandon just finished, and you won't believe it! I actually have sunlight streaming through the kitchen window. Actual, real sunlight! It exists and I can see it!

My Mom: Oh, honey. I'm so happy for you. That's great.

My Dad (yelling, in the background): What's so great?

My Mom: Hold on. It's Kelley. She saw light.

My Dad (still yelling, still in the background): Kelley? She saw the light? Well, thank god. How the hell did that finally happen?

My Mom: For pete's sake, not that light.

Me (snorting): Please. Like that's ever gonna happen.

And more good news!

Not only did I play a Haunted House scratch ticket and win two dollars (thank you, thank you very much), BUT my screenplay for Seriously Serendipity placed with an Honorable Mention in the Writer's Digest 78th Writing Competition in the Movie Script category.

And even better news!

This. Congratulations, Linda! Another beautiful poem.

*sigh*

Life is good today.